I am practicing present moment awareness.  I do yoga and meditate.  I am learning Reiki.  I subscribe to the positive thinking scene and the whole forgiveness thing.  But it always comes back to the same ole sh*t  I am a lot better and stronger than I used to be but deep inside that scared little girl is still there.  Unsure and afraid of what will happen, of trying.  I talk a good game and show up looking happy but who cheers me when I feel so lost.  I am so scared sometimes and I don't know how to fix things.  I don't know where to get the money to move, I don;t know where to get the money to live on.  I am surrounded by new friends but still feel alone.  I see how it is, people exchanging numbers and doing things together outside the group and again I feel left out.  I just want some close friends.  Lost and alone is what I am feeling.  It comes back to feeling not good enough to have people want me as a friend.  I talk about the wrong things.  Im too open or not open enough.  I have this need to talk about what happened in my marriage but it is too hideous and no one wants to hear that.  It is a turn off.  I get jealous of some of there good marriages and good relationships and friendships/ I try to hard to make it work.  What do I do.  More coaching??  More getting out there.  More life.  More love.  More love for my self.  I did nothing wrong.  I was a victim.  I was abused and raped and hurt and lied to and fooled.  I deserve to be treated well.  I deserve to have love in my life.  I deserve to feel good about myself because I am a good person.